Cognitive Behavioral Strategies

Lynne S. Gots, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist

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Getting Ready for Change: Finding Your Why

By Lynne Gots, posted on December 5th, 2011.

As I said in my last post, I’m going to help you beat the New Year’s resolution rush by giving you some tips you can use right now on how to create the optimal mindset for change.  Why wait?  A little readiness goes a long way when you’re trying to build new habits.  If you start now, you’ll be way ahead of the game next month.

Losing weight and getting in shape are two of the most popular New Year’s resolutions.  Walk into any gym on January 1st, and you’ll find all the bikes in the spin class occupied and the 5-pound dumbbells in short supply.  But by Valentine’s Day, you’ll have the place to yourself again when the exercise converts have all gone back to their couches.

If you don’t want to rejoin the ranks of the couch potatoes yourself, you’ll need a plan.   More important, before you even think of making a resolution, you should ask yourself how your life would be different if you were to achieve your goal.  Too often, we tell ourselves, “I need to [insert target for change here]” without asking ourselves, “Why?”

I just signed on to participate with a few friends in a workout program to motivate me to exercise more.  Before starting, I had to set up a “before” profile and determine my goal.  Lose weight?  Sure, I could shed a few vanity pounds, but since I’m already at a healthy weight and all my clothes fit, this wouldn’t motivate me.  Get healthy?  Too vague.  Tone up?  Sounds great, but not compelling enough.  Increase energy?  Ah, now we’re talking!

Although I already have a modest exercise program in place, my workday routine is very sedentary.  I spend an hour and a half or more sitting in my car and ten or eleven hours on top of that sitting in my office.  Makes me tired just thinking about it.  Yes, increasing my energy is a goal I can really embrace!  It touches on so much I value:  feeling physically and mentally on top of my game, being clear-headed and creative, having the stamina to get out and do the active pursuits I enjoy.  And, better yet, I can get instant results instead of having to wait months to see a difference.

The best “why” will give you an immediate return on your investment.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t create long-term goals.  But those aren’t usually enough to help you stick to your resolve when short-term pleasures beckon.

It’s much more effective to connect your goals to your values.  Being thinner may seem appealing for a lot of reasons, but taking off the 10 or 20 pounds most people want to shed probably won’t change your life.   If your weight is so excessive that it currently interferes with your activities or undermines your health, that’s another story.

So you need to figure out what would really drive you.  Do you want to feel more confident?  More in control of your decisions?  Are you sick of being sluggish?  How about being able to run around with your kids?  Or set a good example for them?

Finding your why isn’t a one-size-fits-all process.   There isn’t a universal solution.  You have to zero in on what’s truly important to you.  Where there’s a why, there’s a way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





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Posted in Behavior Change, Motivation |

Waiting for Motivation

By Lynne Gots, posted on October 10th, 2011.

Whenever people tell me they can’t get started on a project because they’re waiting for motivation, I think of Samuel Beckett’s play, Waiting for Godot.  In this classic absurdist piece, two characters sit around anticipating the arrival of a guy named Godot.  They don’t really know what he looks like and aren’t sure they’d recognize him if he showed up. But they wait for him anyway. They bide their time by telling stories, singing songs, napping, snacking on a carrot, swapping hats, speculating about the merits of hanging themselves from a nearby tree, and wondering if a passerby who stops to chat with them is Godot himself.  Nothing happens.  The play closes as it begins, with the two men in exactly the same place, thinking Godot will perhaps be coming tomorrow.

Waiting for motivation is a lot like waiting for Godot.  We often wait and wait, yet motivation doesn’t come.  Or maybe it does, but we don’t recognize it even if it’s standing right in front of us.  We fill the hours with meaningless activities or ones meant to take our minds off the waiting—surfing the Internet, checking Facebook, texting friends, playing games online.  We grow bored.  Occasionally we despair.  And still we wait, not stopping to think that perhaps it’s the waiting, and not motivation’s failure to arrive, that’s holding us back.

So the next time you find yourself stuck, unable to go anywhere until the elusive motivation gets there, think about these lines from the play:

“Tomorrow, when I wake up . . . What shall I say of today?  That . . . I waited for Godot?”

Stop waiting.  Start moving.  And maybe you’ll run into motivation along the way.  And even if you don’t, at least you’ll be some place different from where you are now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





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Posted in Behavior Change, Motivation |

Dancing with the Dogs

By Lynne Gots, posted on October 5th, 2011.

Anyone who comes to see me for help with anxiety quickly learns The Cardinal Rule: don’t avoid the things that scare you. It’s human (and animal) nature to flee from danger. But avoidance only makes fear worse in the long run. That is, unless you find yourself in a dark alley with a knife-wielding thug on your heels, in which case—and I’m certain my professional liability insurance carrier would want me to make this perfectly clear—you should run like hell.

I wouldn’t feel right about pushing other people off the high dive, metaphorically speaking, unless I’d jumped myself. So I look for opportunities to get up close and personal with discomfort.

One activity really does the trick for me. And, as a bonus, it nudges my Australian Shepherd Freddie outside his comfort zone (which, admittedly, doesn’t take much). It’s called Canine Musical Freestyle, or doggie dancing.

Go ahead and laugh all you want. This is a legitimate sport. If you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself. It’s amazing to watch, but also extremely silly — especially if you’re the one doing chorus line kicks alongside a dog. I decided to take a Freestyle class because I knew it would make me feel ridiculous.

Freddie and I had already tried one canine sport, Agility. Most Aussies are naturals at it. Whip-smart and agile, they navigate the timed obstacle course with ease. Not Freddie. Sure, he had no trouble learning how to dash through tunnels, prance across balance beams, and jump through hoops. But we spent most of the time huddled in a corner, trying to avoid the other dogs. After only the second lesson, Freddie mistook a miniature Schnauzer for an errant sheep and got us kicked out of class.

So with great trepidation, I signed us up for Freestyle. I was very nervous. I started sweating before I even walked in the door, knowing I’d have to keep Freddie calmly focused on me while we passed through a room full of hyped-up Border Collies and Aussies. Then there was the matter of the dancing itself. I’m spatially-challenged; I can barely tell my left foot from my right. Embarrassment was clearly in the cards.

But who knew? Freddie turned out to be a dancing fool. His enthusiasm made me forget my awkwardness. It even helped him ignore all the barking and whirling around him—except once, when he chased down a Chihuahua who was performing an intricate balancing act on his owner while she did a series of yoga poses. I suspect that Freddie, who has a highly evolved sense of right and wrong, viewed it as unseemly canine behavior and was taking it upon himself to put a stop to it.

I spent weeks searching for the perfect music, finally settling on Frank Sinatra’s, “I Won’t Dance”—a classy standard that was just the right tempo for the choreography I’d been obsessively working out in my head. I imagined Freddie looking suave in a bow tie if we ever actually performed in competition (and if I could ever actually get him to wear one). When it came time to present our routine for the class, Freddie debonairly grasped an umbrella in his paws, kicked up his legs in perfect step with mine, glided sideways across the floor with me while I tried not to trip over my own feet, pirouetted on his hind legs, and finished with an elegant bow.

Too bad nobody could see us. After the Chihauhua incident (which thankfully didn’t phase our wonderful teacher Carolynn, herself the owner of six Aussies), I decided to play it safe and work behind a screen to obscure the other dogs from Freddie’s sight line.

But by the beginning of the second session, we were able to emerge from behind our barrier. Freddie can watch quietly now, relaxing by my side while Carolynn’s retired champion Freestyler, Rafe, shows us his moves. We’ve even demonstrated a few of our own.

Facing our fears made Freddie and me much more confident. And so did having that show-off Chihauhua drop out of class.

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Tags: ,
Posted in Behavior Change, Dogs, Techniques |

This blog is intended solely for the purpose of entertainment and education. All remarks are meant as general information and should not be taken as personal diagnostic or therapeutic advice. If you choose to comment on a post, please do not include any information that could identify you as a patient or potential patient. Also, please refrain from making any testimonials about me or my practice, as my professional code of ethics does not permit me to publish such statements. Comments that I deem inappropriate for this forum will not be published.

Contact Dr. Gots

202-331-1566

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If you don't receive a response to an email from Dr. Gots in 48 hours, please call the office and leave a voicemail message.

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