I had to take my dog Freddie to the vet the other day for an infected paw. As I’ve said in previous posts, Freddie has many fears, and if he could rank them, he’d give Dr. Hambright a 9 or 10 on his BUDs (Barking Units of Distress) scale. I’d rate going to the vet with Freddie an 8 on my SUDs scale (Subjective Units of Distress—the measure commonly used to create an anxiety exposure hierarchy in behavior therapy).
Even though I’m very nervous about vet appointments with Freddie and really, really don’t want to go, I’m willing to endure them because the health of my dogs is important to me. When I work with people who struggle with anxiety, I talk a lot about recognizing the difference between wanting and willing. It’s a critical distinction, and it can make or break someone’s progress in treatment.
Why would we want to put ourselves in a situation that causes our hearts to pound, our palms to sweat, and our heads to spin? Because avoiding the things that scare us only makes our fears worse in the long run. Even more important, it keeps us from doing what we truly value.
In case you’re thinking wild horses couldn’t drag you to a behavior therapist under those circumstances, let me clarify. Exposure therapy requires you to confront your fears gradually. It’s not like the classic Far Side cartoon, which depicts a person dealing with a fear of heights and snakes by suspending himself in a glass elevator over a pit of vipers. That’s flooding, and I don’t do it. The rule of thumb for exposure to anxiety-inducing triggers is to work at an anxiety level of around a 5. Challenging, but manageable.
But sometimes life intervenes, and we have to deal with real situations that are higher than the ideal 5. As when I took Freddie to the vet. I dreaded it, but was definitely willing to go; Freddie, not so much. Which is why I made sure to feed him yummy treats and put a muzzle on him for the examination. He doesn’t mind the muzzle, having learned that it magically brings squirts of CheezWhiz. And it helps give me some peace of mind, knowing he can’t bite anyone.
I wish Freddie could model himself after our Cockapoo Baxter, who has developed an excellent strategy for tolerating the dreaded vet visit. Baxter is just as fearful as Freddie, and with good reason. He underwent two surgeries last year to repair a torn ACL. Now every time we put him in the car, even if we’re just going for a hike in the woods, he shakes and pants so hard he fogs up the windows. But when he’s on the vet’s exam table, he rolls onto his back, lifts his rear leg with a sigh of resignation, and endures. He certainly doesn’t want to be there. But he’s willing. And because he isn’t fighting it, the ordeal goes much more smoothly for all concerned.
So the next time you’re tempted to avoid a situation that terrifies you, don’t fight it like Freddie does. Take a page from Baxter’s book instead. Better yet, don’t just submit to it. Meet it head on. If you’re willing, the way will be a lot less bumpy.
Anyone who comes to see me for help with anxiety quickly learns The Cardinal Rule: don’t avoid the things that scare you. It’s human (and animal) nature to flee from danger. But avoidance only makes fear worse in the long run. That is, unless you find yourself in a dark alley with a knife-wielding thug on your heels, in which case—and I’m certain my professional liability insurance carrier would want me to make this perfectly clear—you should run like hell.
I wouldn’t feel right about pushing other people off the high dive, metaphorically speaking, unless I’d jumped myself. So I look for opportunities to get up close and personal with discomfort.
One activity really does the trick for me. And, as a bonus, it nudges my Australian Shepherd Freddie outside his comfort zone (which, admittedly, doesn’t take much). It’s called Canine Musical Freestyle, or doggie dancing.
Go ahead and laugh all you want. This is a legitimate sport. If you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself. It’s amazing to watch, but also extremely silly — especially if you’re the one doing chorus line kicks alongside a dog. I decided to take a Freestyle class because I knew it would make me feel ridiculous.
Freddie and I had already tried one canine sport, Agility. Most Aussies are naturals at it. Whip-smart and agile, they navigate the timed obstacle course with ease. Not Freddie. Sure, he had no trouble learning how to dash through tunnels, prance across balance beams, and jump through hoops. But we spent most of the time huddled in a corner, trying to avoid the other dogs. After only the second lesson, Freddie mistook a miniature Schnauzer for an errant sheep and got us kicked out of class.
So with great trepidation, I signed us up for Freestyle. I was very nervous. I started sweating before I even walked in the door, knowing I’d have to keep Freddie calmly focused on me while we passed through a room full of hyped-up Border Collies and Aussies. Then there was the matter of the dancing itself. I’m spatially-challenged; I can barely tell my left foot from my right. Embarrassment was clearly in the cards.
But who knew? Freddie turned out to be a dancing fool. His enthusiasm made me forget my awkwardness. It even helped him ignore all the barking and whirling around him—except once, when he chased down a Chihuahua who was performing an intricate balancing act on his owner while she did a series of yoga poses. I suspect that Freddie, who has a highly evolved sense of right and wrong, viewed it as unseemly canine behavior and was taking it upon himself to put a stop to it.
I spent weeks searching for the perfect music, finally settling on Frank Sinatra’s, “I Won’t Dance”—a classy standard that was just the right tempo for the choreography I’d been obsessively working out in my head. I imagined Freddie looking suave in a bow tie if we ever actually performed in competition (and if I could ever actually get him to wear one). When it came time to present our routine for the class, Freddie debonairly grasped an umbrella in his paws, kicked up his legs in perfect step with mine, glided sideways across the floor with me while I tried not to trip over my own feet, pirouetted on his hind legs, and finished with an elegant bow.
Too bad nobody could see us. After the Chihauhua incident (which thankfully didn’t phase our wonderful teacher Carolynn, herself the owner of six Aussies), I decided to play it safe and work behind a screen to obscure the other dogs from Freddie’s sight line.
But by the beginning of the second session, we were able to emerge from behind our barrier. Freddie can watch quietly now, relaxing by my side while Carolynn’s retired champion Freestyler, Rafe, shows us his moves. We’ve even demonstrated a few of our own.
Facing our fears made Freddie and me much more confident. And so did having that show-off Chihauhua drop out of class.
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