Lynne S. Gots, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Little People, Revisited
By Lynne Gots, posted on October 3rd, 2011.
I just saw a rousing 25th anniversary production of Les Miz at the Kennedy Center. Rather predictably (this was my fourth viewing) but with no less genuine emotion, my eyes welled up when petit Gavroche sang the anthem, “Little People” as he lay dying on the barricade:
“be careful as you go
cos little people grow
and little people know
when little people fight,
we may look easy pickings
but we got some bite!
so never kick a dog
because it’s just a pup
you’d better run for cover when the pup grows up”
For those of you who’ve spent the last twenty-five years in a cave, Les Misérables is the blockbuster musical based on Victor Hugo’s book of the same name. Gavroche is a street urchin, mascot to the Parisian student revolutionaries and their canary in the mine. He volunteers to scope out the army below and (spoiler alert) gets shot for his efforts.
I thought about Gavroche’s song as I read an essay in the Sunday Times about “Super People.” The author addresses a topic that never fails to make my blood boil, no matter how many times I read or write about it—the pressures kids face in high school to outdo themselves and their peers with mega resumes highlighting their creative talent, altruism, entrepreneurial spirit, and athletic prowess. That’s what it takes these days to stand out from the crowd of equally amazing super achievers. College admissions officials call this being “pointy” as opposed to well rounded (although it seems to me these superstars are pretty well rounded too, a bit like the Appalachians with Mount Washington thrown in for good measure.)
It’s no longer good enough to be good enough. I see a lot of students in my practice who feel bad because they can’t measure up. Many of them are graduates of International Baccalaureate high schools who’ve earned scholarships to university honors programs. Yet they feel like imposters because they haven’t started a foundation for Tibetan orphans or won the Intel Science Competition for a breakthrough in cancer research. The culture of Super Persondom is doing them in.
Now back to Gavroche. Let’s suspend disbelief for a minute and imagine the 19th century Gavroche transported to the 21st century. Say Jean Valjean had carried him to La Sâlpetrière instead of leaving him to die with the rebels. He survives his wounds and, a few years later, decides to parlay his adventures on the barricade into a college application essay:
When I was only twelve, I spearheaded an insurrection of university students. I was shot and lived through a near-death experience. All my friends died. I never went to school but my street education is worth much more than book learning.
And then he wraps it all up with the chorus:
So listen here, professor with your head in the cloud
It’s often kinda useful to get lost in a crowd
So keep your universities — i don’t give a damn
For better or for worse it is the way that i am
I can just picture the excitement in the admissions offices of the Ivy League. Foreign! (According to the Times article, many colleges have recruiters in other countries to promote globalization.) Uneducated but smart! Confident enough to thumb his nose at the establishment!
Voilà. Gavroche’s pointiness wins him a full ride to Harvard: Little Person to Super Person with just a stroke of the quill pen.
Tags: college admissions, perfectionism
Posted in College, Perfectionism |
A Metaphor is a Terrible Thing to Mix
By Lynne Gots, posted on September 29th, 2011.
My tenth grade English teacher, Miss Nagle, taught me to write. In those days before computers, I hammered out my papers on a Smith Corona, which sounds like something that should be served in a long-necked bottle with a lime but actually was an electric typewriter. Miss Nagle was ruthless. Her red-penciled comments splattered the smudgy carbon-copied pages like drops of blood. She was a stickler for grammar, and after three years under her tutelage—first in her class, then as an editor of the school newspaper—I became a sentence structure snob, too.
By the time I got to college, I was a perfectionist about style, often at the expense of substance. Research wasn’t as easy back then as it is today when you can find any reference you need with the click of a mouse. It meant actually going to the library, which, for some reason, intimidated me. Many of my manuscripts came back with remarks like, “Very well-written, but needs more depth.” I often sat for hours in front of that Smith Corona, searching for the perfect word. Writing took forever. It was a chore.
But not any more. Blogging has completely transformed the writing experience for me. I don’t how it happened, but gradually I began relaxing my standards, and suddenly I started having fun. Sentence fragments! No comma after the third item in a series! Using a preposition to end a sentence with! Unnecessary use of exclamation points!!! Whoo! Now the ideas flow so freely I sometimes can’t type fast enough to keep up with them. Sorry, Ms. Nagle. You taught me well, but times have changed.
I’m not saying the only cure for a bad case of writer’s block is to ditch your Strunk and White’s (the style bible, not the bar where you go to drink your Smith Corona). But relaxing the rules sure can free up a lot of mental energy.
There’s just one thing I still can’t bring myself to do. I won’t split an infinitive. After all, even verbs have feelings.
Tags: perfectionism, writer's block
Posted in Perfectionism |
People Unclear on the Concept
By Lynne Gots, posted on September 26th, 2011.
Lately I’ve been the target of phishing. I think that’s what it’s called. I’ve received a spate of emails from foreigners claiming to be in some kind of psychological crisis brought on by a breakup or work stress. They ask me in fractured English to schedule a series of therapy sessions because they’ll be coming to the US for an extended business trip or vacation and will need emotional support. Oh, and by the way. They’d like to prepay, so would I please contact their assistants and supply the number of the bank account where they can deposit the funds.
OK, I’ll admit it. I did reply to the first one, saying I’d be happy to set up a consultation, but that I don’t accept prepayment. See, I’m not that naïve. I wonder why I never heard back.
The most recent offering gave me a much needed hilarity break in the middle of a long workday. I was drinking my afternoon Starbucks iced coffee when I checked my email and did a spit take before I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so hard. I cannot do the message justice without sharing the main body of the text, verbatim, with you. Please note that, in the interest of protecting the confidentiality of the scam artist, I’m not revealing his full name, although I’ll tell you his first name is Eric. Here’s what Eric wrote, unedited:
Greetings,
I want to book for 2 weeks checkups and counseling, 1 or 2 hours each day Monday to Friday (morning or evening hours) for a group of 10. We will be coming for a one month vacation/holiday in your country from 15th Nov. 2011 and in line with our plans we will require 2 weeks checkups and counseling to help maintain our mental health due to the nature of our job and also to make our stay fun. After working consecutively for 6months, the lonely environment and the noise of the engines, we have decided to see a psychologist during our vacation for general mental health checkups.
He concluded by requesting to make the usual arrangements.
I’m intrigued by the part about the “lonely environment and the noise of the engines.” Is he a terrorist, practicing take offs and landings in the desert? Or an astronaut, maybe? And what’s with the bit about making “our stay fun?” Wouldn’t he rather go clubbing in Adams Morgan, or visit the Air and Space Museum to see some planes?
Eric should have done his homework to learn more about psychotherapy before scamming me. Now that I think about it, a lot of people (some members of my own family, even) have strange notions about what psychologists do. So if you’re contemplating seeing—or scamming—a mental health therapist, educate yourself first. You’ll have a better idea of what to expect from treatment and what you’d like to get out of it. But please don’t call me if you’re only looking to make your stay in DC fun. There are other kinds of professionals who’d do that much better.
Tags: psychotherapy
Posted in General |
