If you’ve determined perfectionism is causing you problems (see my last post), you still might think your exacting standards help more than they hurt. After all, hasn’t your drive to succeed gotten where you are?

One of the most common questions I hear from the people who come to me when perfectionism starts getting in their way is, “What’s so wrong with wanting to be the best?”

Pushing yourself to work your hardest is admirable (and especially valued among the workaholics of DC!). But striving for success isn’t the same as driving yourself to achieve perfection. Psychologists make a distinction between what’s described as “adaptive” and “maladaptive” perfectionism. I like to call the first “healthy ambition.” It’s not at all the same as “problem perfectionism.”

Here are some differences between the two:

You have healthy ambition if:

√  You set challenging but realistic standards for yourself

√  You focus on the process as much as the product when working towards a goal

√ You expect success but don’t let failure stop you from trying again

√ You’re open to criticism and learn from your mistakes

√ You bounce back from setbacks

√  You’re flexible and open to different approaches to solving problems

√  You want to excel

√  Your sense of self-worth isn’t tied to performance

√  Your thinking is balanced and realistic, not all-or-nothing

You’re a problem perfectionist if:

√  You strive to live up to out-of-reach or overly strict standards

√  You focus only on the outcome and don’t enjoy the process

√ You fear failure

√ You’re defensive about criticism and dwell on it

√  You get discouraged by setbacks and give up

√  You think there’s only one way to solve a problem

√  You believe you should excel

√ Your sense of self-worth is tied to your performance

√ Your thinking is black and white:  either you’re perfect or you’re a failure

If you find yourself frequently dwelling on mistakes (or perceived mistakes, as problem perfectionists often blow minor errors out of proportion), getting mired in self-criticism, and focusing on performance at the expense of everything else, you may be a problem perfectionist.

CBT can help. By reexamining your values and modifying your thought patterns, you can learn to find a more satisfying balance in your life and feel more content with where you are rather than always looking ahead to where you think you should be.

And, yes, it even might open the way for you to reach your fullest potential.