Lynne S. Gots, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Why Telling Someone with OCD to “Trust Your Gut” is Bad Advice
By Lynne Gots, posted on August 19th, 2019.
The idea of making a decision based on a “gut instinct,” or intuition, may have some theoretical merit but for someone with OCD, it’s like kryptonite.
Neuroscientists have constructed complex processing theories to explain the concept of “just knowing,” or intuition. Our brains are like computers, constantly comparing new sensory information and events with memories of past experiences and stored knowledge to come up with predictions of what will happen next. This process occurs so quickly and subconsciously that we’re not aware it’s happening—hence, the idea of a gut feeling. The opposite of intuition is methodical analytical thinking. Both can be helpful, depending on the situation. But people with OCD tend to overanalyze decisions, while also falling prey to emotional—typically, anxious—reasoning. The result? Uncertainty and decision-making paralysis.
One common OCD worry is whether a relationship is “right.” Typical obsessive questions include: “Do I feel love for my partner?” “Do we share enough in common?” “ What if my feelings change?” “How can I be sure I want to be in this relationship?” Constant analysis—compulsive checking for the elusive, correct emotional reaction, seeking reassurance from relationship websites and forums, asking friends and family for advice—doesn’t resolve the doubt and causes more anxiety, making it impossible to experience a rewarding emotional connection.
A site dedicated to forming healthy relationships describes a gut instinct as “your immediate understanding of something,” requiring “no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know” [italics mine].
This type of popular wisdom—the idea that you can “just know”–adds to the distress many people with OCD experience in the face of major life decisions—not only about whether to get married or divorced, but also about whether to have children, go to graduate school, change jobs, or buy a house. OCD makes it virtually impossible to trust your gut because one of its major cognitive manifestations is doubt. It’s more likely to kick you in the gut and overwhelm you with incessant questions about your choices than to allow for intuition to help you.
So if you have OCD, don’t expect a feeling to inform your decisions. Rely, instead, on analysis (but not too much), experience, values, and common sense to guide you. And make room for a healthy measure of uncertaintly about the choices you ultimately make.
Tags: intuition, OCD, trust your gut
Posted in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder |
I just found this during another bout of rOCD and “gut reaction” is she’s not the right person and I feel so compelled to listen to that and end it but I haven’t even analyzed to see if this is a patient, kind, present, safe person (answer is yes to all) and what that means for me, my nervous system, and my life. It’s a constant battle all day to try to figure out “what to do” and I keep trying to lean in, to feel worthy of love and safety and to allow someone to care for me (something I push away). What an internal battle!
I struggle with that exact doubht thought about love for my partner. It tears me up inside. This article helped me to not feel alone. Thank you
Is this intuition? I’ve experienced extreme rumination and getting stuck on numerous themes. But what do I do with a sudden experience of the sense of anxiety lifting, a sense of calm and peace when you have the thought “I should break up” or “I don’t truly love them”. I have had a few of these, and I can get stuck on them for a while, but then, am able to move past them and find connection and love in my relationship again.
But then there is the question: am I just lying to myself?
Thank you so much for this article! I have been having paralyzing ROCD intrusions lately about whether or not I should be in a relationship even though logically they are the perfect partner and have never even upset me. This is my first healthy relationship and boy can that be hard! My. BIL today said if I was having doubts I should “follow my gut and trust my intuition” and I had a panic attack because of how wrong that advice felt! Feeling very seen. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this article. Having experienced OCD for the majority of my adult life, I didn’t think this feeling would ever be able to come into words. However this article hits it spot on, thank you so much for giving me the ability to explain myself and my feelings to my loved ones, as I have been struggling with this for a long time.
Hi Jillian,
Glad it helped!
I have had decision paralysis on and off for much of my life. Sometimes I could not make a decision until I would get a feeling in my head to where I would go in circles and be in such agony I would want to kill myself. Well true intuition is better not to ignore seeking intuition as the only way to make a decision makes me lose my sense of self. As if I am controlled by one wrong thought. The only way to treat Myself in this situation is to take a step back and say what do I want not what does my feelings tell me. Being overly addicted to your hunches can be debilitating
So true! Using values to guide your decisions is more useful than relying on hunches.