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Lynne S. Gots, Ph.D.
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Don’t Believe Everything You Think

By Lynne Gots, posted on March 13th, 2013.

Have you ever acted cooly towards a coworker because she seemed aloof and condescending, then gotten to know her better and realized she’s just shy and insecure? Or felt hurt when a friend forgot your birthday, then learned he’d been laid low by the flu?

These examples illustrate a central premise of cognitive-behavior therapy: thoughts are not facts. Our interpretations are hypotheses, and often—especially when strong emotional reactions are involved—they don’t hold up under objective scrutiny.

Take the assumptions we form during virtual interactions. Emails and texts notoriously lend themselves to drawing conclusions based on inferences— the meaning of an exclamation point or emoticom, say, or the absence thereof. It’s easy to read into the speed or length of a response, too.

Having been married for many years, long before the advent of Match.com, I never tried online dating. (Though a classmate and I did create a matchmaking inventory for a course requirement in graduate school. Too bad we were too shortsighted to realize its potential!) But I have no trouble envisioning the stories my mind would spin about possible suitors. My imagination has run away with me in situations where I have far less at stake emotionally.

I’ve talked before about my preoccupation with—OK, addiction to—Words With Friends. Mostly, I maintain ongoing games with people I know. But occasionally I get tired of waiting for them to make a move and seek out a random opponent.

I’ve developed a virtual friendship with one, whose screen name is “Amadbama.” Unlike many of the strangers I’ve played against, Amadbama kept initiating new games despite losing frequently, and by many points, to me. I was impressed by the sportsmanship and persistence. So one day, when Amadbama scored 109 points on a triple word play, I offered my congratulations.

Thus began our exchanges—just a few, impersonal comments at first, then some more details about where we’re from, our families, and the like.

This is where my assumptions started to get turned upside down.

At first I envisioned Amadbama as a young (because that’s probably the likely demographic for people playing games online), Muslim (because Amad has a Middle Eastern ring to it) man living in Alabama (‘bama). Then I learned he lives in Michigan.

OK, so the new geographic information required me to revise my hypothesis slightly. But it also bolstered my theory about his being Muslim because Michigan is home to the largest Muslim population in the US.

Then in a conversation about our respective Thanksgivings, Amadbama said he’d gone to bed at 8:00 pm because entertaining the six grandkids had been exhausting. I updated my mental image of him from a twenty-something to a bearded patriarch.

Recently I learned the truth (or, at least, what I assume to be true) about Amadbama’s identity: she is a 55-year-old woman named Susan. I was sorely disappointed to lose my multicultural friendship, even though it was only a figment of my overactive imagination.

And another thing. Susan’s game has improved dramatically, and she now beats me quite often. She seems like a completely different player.

I assume she must be cheating.




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When Therapy Does More Harm Than Good

By Lynne Gots, posted on July 2nd, 2012.

As a specialist in anxiety, I’ve seen countless people after they’ve gone through months—years, even—of ineffectual psychotherapy. Yet I’m surprised time and again by the inaccurate beliefs guiding the practices of so many mental health professionals. Some of their methods, which derive from unsubstantiated theories, can interfere with progress or even make anxiety symptoms much worse.

A psychoanalyst once told me how frustrating she found treating people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). “They never get better,” she said.

Unlike her, I really enjoy working with people who have OCD, in large part because they often do make dramatic strides in treatment, and in a relatively short time. But I don’t doubt she didn’t see much progress.

A psychoanalytic therapist would encourage her patient to explore childhood experiences to uncover the allegedly unconscious forces behind symptoms. In theory, once a person figures out the deep-seated reasons for feelings of anxiety or for intrusive thoughts, distress will dissipate. In practice, however, this solution frequently becomes part of the problem.

People with anxiety strive above all to maintain control—over their physical sensations, their thoughts, and the outcome of events. Paradoxically, when they avoid upsetting situations, analyze every last detail of a thought, or try to figure out the reason for their worries—all common but counterproductive tactics—they become more anxious. These efforts backfire because they prevent the anxious person from learning to tolerate uncertainty and handle uncomfortable feelings. From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, developing a tolerance for uncertainty and acquiring the skills for coping with emotional distress are the primary goals of therapy.

Focusing on the whys can be problematic for two additional reasons. First, trying to figure out the origin of a worry can serve as an avoidance tactic, encouraging rumination (something people with anxiety already do too much of) over action. Second, emphasizing the need to understand where an anxiety issue originated gives undo credence to the thoughts.

Many people I treat have a type of OCD characterized by repugnant mental obsessions (such as the fear of being a child-molester or of committing a violent crime). They’ve become trapped by their thoughts precisely because they’ve attributed too much significance to them. We all have strange and sometimes disturbing ideas from time to time. If we don’t make too much of them, they usually just come and go. Not so if you have OCD.

Obsessive worrying starts with ordinary random thoughts. Say you’ve just read an article about the Sandusky trial. You’re appalled by the witness testimonies. You think, “How could anyone do that? I could never imagine doing that!” But then you start to wonder. “Why am I so interested in this case? Does that mean I unconsciously want to molest children?” The more you think about it, the more anxious you get. You try to push the thoughts out of your mind but they keep coming back. Thus are the seeds of a full-blown obsession planted.

In the interest of fairness, I should point out that psychoanalysts aren’t the only therapists who can make a problem worse by using counterproductive approaches. I’ve heard of cognitive-behaviorists who, apparently not having kept up with the current literature, advise patients to practice “thought-stopping”—visualizing a large stop sign or snapping a rubberband on the wrist whenever unwanted thoughts occur-—to short circuit disturbing cognitions.

This technique gained a fair amount of traction twenty or so years ago. I’m embarrassed to admit I myself recommended it to more than a few people back in the day. But we now know from the social psychology research on thought suppression that trying to push thoughts out of our minds only intensifies them. So it’s more helpful to make peace with unwanted mental intrusions than to engage in efforts to banish them.

Another misapplied behavioral method, one commonly recommended for managing panic attacks, is relaxation training. Sometimes practicing deep-breathing can be helpful, especially for controlling hyperventilation. But trying to relax often can lead to more tension in a person who fears the sensations caused by extreme anxiety. So learning to ride out a panic attack using “interoceptive exposure”—invoking symptoms such as dizziness or a rapid heart rate to practice allowing them to pass without trying to control them—is much more effective in the long run than trying to head off the feelings by attempting to relax.

If you’re not sure you’re benefitting from therapy, tell your therapist. Discuss the treatment plan and the rationale behind it. Gather information from the websites of credible organizations (no message boards, please) and don’t hesitate to inquire about the latest research. The process of psychotherapy is often more an art than a science. But if you think you’re making no progress or find yourself feeling worse, an unscientific approach may be the reason.

 




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Posted in Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Psychotherapy, Techniques |

This blog is intended solely for the purpose of entertainment and education. All remarks are meant as general information and should not be taken as personal diagnostic or therapeutic advice. If you choose to comment on a post, please do not include any information that could identify you as a patient or potential patient. Also, please refrain from making any testimonials about me or my practice, as my professional code of ethics does not permit me to publish such statements. Comments that I deem inappropriate for this forum will not be published.

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